our son's class had a field trip to the local audubon society. he said his favorite animal was the snake.

finally. i can breathe. a welcome break from the insanity at school. i have been so on edge about the end of the school year that i can't sleep. i am constantly thinking about our class' graduation ceremony (why do we even need one...they are in fifth grade?) and my students are shutting down as if their plugs have been pulled. but this weekend we can get away. and relax.

my husband had a gig tonight. it has been so long since they played together in this kind of setting. they were awesome! his band's website: www.farfromclose.com

daddy made him something out of legos. our son was so happy and grateful he just had to write daddy a thank you note.

our son graduated from pre-k today

later this week we are taking a mini vacation with friends of ours. today my friend and i ventured up to the lake house to check it out. sadly the house is not on the lake, but close enough. it will be so nice to get away later. to close the door on everything here.

getting ready for the jump

the fair came to town! it was very hot but the promise was made to take him there.

our spontaneity burst forth yesterday when the intense blue skies and warm air screamed: ocean. we drove to the beach with out preparation. i cannot explain the amount of fun and giggling that was had by us all. our son did not care that his jeans were soaking wet and hoarding sand. he jumped those waves like they were hurdles. i loved watching my son have the time of his life. i loved that our family had fun together.

it was mother's day tea at our school today, in my son's class.

i read these verses this morning: blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. as they pass through the valley of baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. they go from strength to strength, till each appears before GOD in zion.

it tells me that i am on a journey. a pilgrimage. to the holy temple where christ is dwelling. GOD purposes there to be points of rest where i gather up enough strength for the next haul. pools that were once dry will be fill when i get there. the pools will never be dry when i get there. the strength to carry on [insert rich mullins song here] is made available to me until i appear before GOD in zion.

delicious comfort. can one find comfort in a sugar induced brain freeze? and now to stop skirting around awkward glances. today is the day, last year, i found out my son had died in my womb. it was on the national day of prayer last year, a thursday. our now five year old son went with me to my prenatal appointment. everything was expected to be normal. it wasn't. the doctor could not find a hearbeat. the portable ultrasound machine could not see movement. the larger more sensitive ultrasound machine at the hospital only confirmed our fears. instantly all my plans and dreams of being a mom of two were ripped from me. from us. i spent the last three hundred and sixty five days wondering what today was going to be like. what was i going to be like today? or on the seventh when a year ago i was forced to deliver our son. a day has not gone by when i/we do not think about it. while i appreciate the card in the mail one year later, or the email expressing support...i do not want it. i have been dreading today. dreading answering 'what do i do?' do we take time to mourn? have some kind of ceremony? but i have been taking that time everyday when i realize that where i am now is not where i wanted to be one year ago. sometimes i feel guilty that i have not cried everyday, even today. i feel numbed over. then i feel bad that i am so numb. and yes, i feel god in all of this. i felt him as close as my husband's tight grip holding my hand while in the hospital. i felt him wash over our family bringing us a comfort we did not know we could have. i feel him everyday. "my health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." psalm 73:26