May 14, 2011
day one hundred.thirty.four
corban michael jasus was born on may 7 @ 6:35 am. he never had a chance to look at me or his father or brother but i will never forget the way he looked in the palm of my hand. last weekend was the most heart wrenching, yet god was there holding on the whole time. he never let go of me even when i felt so alone and helpless and broken.
corban is used in the bible as a word that means a blessing given by god only to be offered and dedicated back to god. we feel our son is just that. our offering. our worship. our giving up of something we so desperately want to hold on to. god allowed me to get pregnant and wanted us to give our son back to him. while i wish it never had to happen i find joy in knowing our son, corban, is resting in the same arms that comforted me a week ago. and still do.